The Point

You know when you get to that point. Not the woe is me point, but the where the hell and wtf am I doing point? I am there. I am surrounded by it. I am constantly on the move and I forget about things, time, people. Everyhting. At this point, I don't care what I say or do, who I hurt in the process. And that is selfish of me. I act like a jerk and justify it with telling the truth. And the truth of the matter is that I was so those things to hurt you, so that my hurt would feel a little less in the moment. I am fine and ok. I just don't understand myself. I know who I am, I know what I want, and I think I am where God wants me to be, but I don't understand my actions. My actions are ridiculous and uncalled for. I hurt people. I hurt you with words. I am a hurter. And this is not the first time I have done this to a friend. A good friend. A great friend. SO know that you aren't alone. I take my hurt and frustrations out on people I love because it makes them seem further away. Them being further away makes me miss them less and it becomes easier. I know it's a cruel, twisted, and messed up situation. And I realize one day, if I keep doing this. I am going to end up alone. No friends. No family. No lover. Just me.