Defined or Destroyed...

Today I realized that I am in a storm. Imagine that, 5 years after Hurricane Katrina, and I am still battling a storm of my own. I have this internal struggle in me going on for something and I don't know what it is. I don't know if I am struggling with the fact that I am not doing as well I should be doing in school, or if it's the fact that I just want to be finished and back with the people that know me best. I always say that I adapt well to change, but I only seem to adapt well when I have someone to stand there beside me and face it with me. And right now I don't have that. All I have is me. And then I am wrong again. Because more than anything I have Jesus standing there with his hand open telling me Come on, I'll lead you and it will be ok my child. My storm of loneliness and not being able to find myself in the craziness of it all is grabbing a hold to my soul and if I don't fight for myself, then it will destroy me. I will let the world win out and get the best of me. I am not a quitter. I will not be destroyed. But rather, I will learn from my circumstances. I will make time to have friends and to adjust to life here. I will find comfort and courage and strength in my Lord that leads me. I look around and think that I am lonely, but really I have people everywhere. I just need to reach out to them, so that they will reach out to me too. Sometimes you have to take the first step in things. If you wait on other people to do everything for you, then I would spend my whole life waiting on someone else. The Lord will see me through this storm, and when I reach the other side, I will be a new person. I will have a new definiton to add to me. I will be right where God is leading me. And until then, I will just put my head down, stick my shoulder out and continue to push through the storm.