BAHHHHHH!!!

I know, I know, that title is somewhat scary and you are probably saying what the Heck?! Well, that is the only way to describe my life at the moment. In a high pitched, kind of frantic, yet excited beyond all belief scream. BAHHHH! Things are going sooo sooo sooo sooo sooo quick that I can't even keep everything striaght. BTW I am at work updating this because work seems to be my only down time at the moment. Ok so update in the life of me....

I officially have a job at Glenwood Regional Medical Center in West Monroe, LA. Exciting! YES! The HR lady had me fill out paperwork and handed me a health benefits packet and I was like what? What is this thing you call health insurance HAHA! This past Friday I suscessfully graduated from my clincal program...top in my class...and this next week will be filled with lots and lots of studying for literally hours on end because I will be sitting for my Board exams to get my Medical License at the end of the week! YESH! I am so nervous! However, I so cannot wait to have that white coat that says, Amanda LaBorde, MLS (ASCP)! Woop!

In pageant news, we are a clear 7 days away! Another AHHH!! This experience is going to come and go so quickly and I am so ready for it! I will be the next Miss Plus America Elite. So after my board exam, my weekend will be filled with volunteering at a local pageant and practing my walk until my feet fall off! I am so ready for this experience and the changes it is going to bring into my life. Even if I don't win, this will change me as a person and I CANNOT wait! I have my wardrobe all ready. I just need to pratice pratice practice.

This past weekend, I was priviledge to attend the Miss Louisiana Organization pageant. Congrats to Hope Anderson, Miss Spirit of Ruston, who is now Miss Louisiana 2011. She will go on to represent LA in the Miss America Pageant in January! Best of Luck! And I am so proud of all my girls who competed in this weekend though! Christiana Hayward, Becca Price, and Nicole Fairburn, you all truly did an amazing job and blew me away! You inspire me to do better and work harder because I know how hard each and every single one of you worked for this and you all are winners in my book! Thank you for supporting me in my dream and I hope that you don't give up on yours!

Okay, so I think that is it. I am almost fully moved to Monroe and living with the wonderful Mary Carlton! She is an amazing person and I am so excited to spend this time of our lives growing and learning just about life with each other! It is truly a God thing, so I know there is a good lesson for us to learn from each other from it! Keep coming back for more! I'll keep you up to date on all the pageant news!

Here and Now

I am living in the here and now. The future is always ever present and coming full force at me. Things consistenly are being dropped on my shoulders. Things go wrong, they go right, they make sense, they leave me confused. People are moving in and out of my life. Some are suppose to always be there and some just never belonged. Then there is that person who loves you and gives you everything and would change time after time for you and somehow it scares me that there is someone like that for me and it makes me uneasy because I am so young and even the thought of Love, give me the heebie jeebies. In 3 weeks, I will be graduating, moving to a new city, starting a new job, competing for a National title that is going to change my life regardless of if I win or not and thinking about anything else at the moment scares me. I am so young. I haven't even lived yet. Not. even. close. So I am at a stuck point. You make me happy. You put up with a lot. You are slowly falling in love with me. But I don't know if I can reciprocate that right now. I am still trying to find me. I am still making memories. I'm not ready for you. I'll do whatever it takes to make it right. I am living in the here and now and I don't know if there is room for you.

So Much!!

Oh man, so much has happened! First off, I only have 5 weeks of clincals left! Praise Jesus it is almost over! It has been a trying year, but I am so ready to have an adult job and an adult schedule and make the adult money! The adult bills can kinda hold off, but I know those will come as well. This May is a huge closing of so many chapters in so many parts of my life. The last class of people that I was ever really close with at Tech are graduating. Heck, I'm graduating in the summer. My friend's are getting married and being adults. We are all changing. And somehow it's so okay.

In other news, I have made a decision to compete in a beauty pageant for Fun sized girls. I was Miss Shreveport Plus America, and with that title I got to go compete at state. First off, I met some of the most amazing, Christ centered, encouraging women ever! I have gained a multitude of mentors and people have helped me grow into my skin like none other. And with this enormous growing, I was crowned Miss Louisiana Plus America! What an opportunity I have to represent a wonderful state that I have grown up in. Louisiana is such a part of me! And now I get to go and be a representative at the National pageant. I mean this is like Miss America, but for plus size girls! Things are crazy and I am just so honored to have this opportunity. God is good. He is faithful and in control. So He leaves me with nothing to worry about. And so I am content and just trying to live for His glory alone.

The Ending leads to a Beginning...

2010 brought so many things into my life. My best friend got married. I got into clincals. I got to meet amazing people at camp and spend that one last summer as a kid. I started the hardest part of school I will ever have to go through. My little sister in Phi Mu almost died. I remembered what it was like to be lonely. I found an amazing church and have been spiritually struggling. My older sister brought a new memeber into the family. My best friend's mom got cancer and beat it. She found out she was preggers and that her husband was leaving for Iraq. My brother disowned me from his life. I found a boy that I cherished, lost him, and got him back. I have been pushed down, beaten, and walked all over in 2010. Don't get me wrong, God has been so faithful this past year. I will never forget the blessing He has bestowed upon me, but looking back and evaluating my life in the past year, I would have to say the enemy-Satan- won. He won and ruled my life this year. He broke my heart, introduced me to his friends lonliness, doubt, and pity again. Satan made me feel worthless. I believe I am worthless. In 2010, I let people's opinions rule my life, I let people walk all over me and I kept my mouth shut because it was none of my business. I lost the fun in life. I lost the joy in life. I lost my friends. I lost my way. I lost me.
But the beauty about 2010, is that it is over. Although it did bring many things, the best thing it gave me was it's end. And now 2011 is here and holds so many new opportunities. For those reading, this next sentence may seem selfish, and it may be, but sometimes you just need to be selfish. This year, I am not making resolutions or goals or empty promises. This year is about me. This year is going to be my remaking of me. This year will count. I am going to take a journey through my life and make myself a better me mentally, physically, and spiritually. I know this is going to be hard. Probably the hardest thing ever because I only have discipline when it comes to some things like school, or work, but not to myself. I eat what I want, read and watch what I want, and I make excuses for myself. I am simply pathetic. I am luke warm. I have not changed. I know what is wrong in my life. I know that there is emotional baggage I must go through and get rid of, but sometimes it hurts so much, its just easier to let it stay. I know that I am overweight, and not only for my eventually future love life, but also for my health that I need to lose weight. I know that I am not spiritually strong. NOT. EVEN. CLOSE. I was even more reminded of that when a friend of mine gave me some letters I wrote him 2 summers ago. Reminders. Of where I was and how I got there and a reminder that I need to be past there, which I am not. This year is about me. Just me. I will not let anyone influence my life that I don't want to. This meaning I will not let your drama bring me down, I will not feel sorry for myself or things I have to do, I will speak my mind and if your feelings get hurt Im sorry but the truth hurts, I will not let meaningless, dumb boys play with my heart and break it, I will not let you walk all over me. This year is about me. I will have an adventure and a roadtrip and fun. This year is going to bring me joy and at the end of it in 363 days I will be sad to see it go. This year is a foundation for the rest of my life. This year is for me.