Boys, Boys, Boys

Sometimes I just don’t understand the mindset of the boy. Is it just wired to where we will never understand the way the male mind works? I mean I understand looks are everything to a guy, but when did society beat the fun-sized girl with the “don’t date her” stick and runaway? I mean if you are a Christian boy and claim to want that pure, amazing Christian girl that is earnestly seeking after God and you go for the lukewarm Christian girl that is a little bit skinnier and a little more quirker, well then what the hell? I just don’t understand how this mind process works. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the attraction part and the fact that men think about sex every 2.5 seconds of the day, but geez guys..look beyond boobs and butt and you might just find a completely awesome girl that you have been waiting for your entire life. I don’t believe there will be fireworks or a “feeling” or a calling or supernatural thing. I know it’s a thing that when you know, you just know, but my call is for boys to step up and be men and ask out the girl that no one thinks twice about. Even if it doesn’t work out at least you have given her some hope that not all so called Christian men are just like the secular boys and are just out to get some. Proverbs 31:30 says, “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” So shouldn’t a man be looking for a woman who fears the Lord and earnestly seeks after Him with all her heart? Yes, looks are important, but I don’t think God is saying that is the most important thing there is and truly if you love someone’s personality, couldn’t you eventually fall in love with their beauty. Their inner, spiritual beauty?

LOVE..A Four Letter Word?

1 John 4:18 says, " There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. Whoever loves God, must also love his brother." Reading this verse tonight, something in me clicked. There is no fear in love. There is NO fear in Love. None. Zip. Nada. Fear is a scary thing. There are so many things in this world to fear. Fear of life, death, new beginnings, pasts, presents, people, so many things. But one thing we shouldn't fear is each other. I see it happening in our leadership areas. The people who are suppose to build us up as Christians and show us the "Christ-like" example are scared and fearful of their students. These people can't even bring problems up to their Christian brother. Rather, they would jeopardize someone's character, and future because they were scared. They had fear of the reaction that may come and the damage it may do to their ego. Where was the love in that situation? How is that loving your brother by not presenting your concerns to them? Doesn't the bible say that if we have a problem, or concern that we should present it to our brother before the sun falls, so that anger does not build in our hearts? So I guess my ultimate question is if true love comes from God, and if we have love we are of God, and that if we love God, we also love our brother, does that mean that if I am scared of my brother or how he or she may react to the problem or concern I have that I don't truly know and possess God's love? And personally, how can you lead people and be in a position where people look to you as the Christian example if you don't even know what God's love truly is? How are you truly suppose to love on the lost when you can't even love on the found? People treat love just like it is a four letter word and nothing more. It takes skill and risk to love someone. To truly except every part of their being to the point where you can be so honest with them that it hurts. In order to love my brother, I have to know my brother. I have to talk to him, and want to know him. Otherwise, who am I to judge anything about him and his struggle? Did you catch that? WHO am I to JUDGE that person's STRUGGLE when I don't know ANYTHING about it? If you didn't catch it, you are NO ONE.

Submission: Good Thing or Bad Thing...

Many people see submission as a bad thing. A totally outdated, wife waiting on her husband hand and foot type thing. People think its degrading and wrong, but in all actuality we submit to different things every day. We submit to our government and our influential friends, we submit and give into sin and the things we want most in this world. Feminist see it as a degrading, disrespectful act, when Feminisim is one of the most selfish movements that has no sustainable philosophy, a fabricated history, and an incoherent morality. It does not bring freedom and fufillment for women, and it will not right any injustices. However, that is not the point. I'm not saying, " Hey go out and submit to anyone who has authority over you." Don't get me wrong, I believe there are ceratin lines to draw in a marriage as far as what my husband can tell me what to do and what I can't do and such. Submission is about something greater. It is about submitting to an everlasting God that loves us so much that He sent His Son to die for us undeserving women. Even the feminists. In order to grow and be Godly women, who strive and yearn for everything that the Lord is, in order to be fully caught up in Him and not in the earthly things like being single, and self images that are fakely projected out there as being the only thing that is beautiful, we must submit to Him. Once we submit, His will for our lives will follow and we will become wholly His. And that is the only way to live, being wholly God's. The Lord has already been at work here at camp. He has provided and amazing staff to run this place and is already revealing to me reasons why I need to be here. I just hope and pray that He continues to open up doors, mend and build new reletionships, and that He uses each and every single one of us to our full potential. My prayer is that we can each hold the other accountable and help each other grow to the fullest potential in God, while pouring out everything we have to fufill and glorify Him in every way possible. God has already provided me a great accountability partner, Kendall. She's already amazing and I am so excited to take this journey with her, even if it is only for a short time. The Lord put us both here for a purpose, and we are both looking forward to fufilling it!
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Letting Go

So last night I had one of the hardest talks in my life. For the past few years, i have had this thing for this guy. We shall call him Andy. Thats not his real name and I dont really life anyone named Andy just to clarify. Well Andy adn I have known each other a long time, we have been through ups and downs together, good and bad, everything one could possibly imagine. We both have been selfish in our friendship and both of us have always seemed to want more, but never could find out what more we want. We took things from each other, we gave things back, we cried, we hurt, but most of all we laughed. Andy is someone I have always cared for and always seen as someone I could possibly marry. Someone I could be happy coming home to at night, and having my future children look like. I know that's crazy, but it's the truth. For the last few years, we have had thing on and off thing..this what are we..and where are we going..when is it my turn and last night I let go. We sat and we talked..like we have never talked before. I poured my heart out to him in every way possibly hoping that this attempt would make him realize that I was perfect for him. However, that was not the case. Instead he looked at me and said I love you, but I'm not in love with you and I don't think I'll ever be. You are going to be an amazing girlfriend and wife, but not to me. I'm sorry. SLAP. IN. THE. FACE. He was being honest, which is something I have always asked from anyone who is my friend. If you are honest, atleast it will hurt because you are telling the truth and not lying. So back to Andy, in that moment I have felt more emotion than I have in a long time. To me he seemed like that perfect guy, that one true guy, but in that moment when he told me he could never love me, reality set in. The reality and bigger picture of it is that we are not meant to be. He is my friend, he cares about me and his season in my life is coming to a close. he has taught me many things to do and to not do and he taught me about unconditional love. Regardless of the situation, whether it was bad or good, he never has stayed mad at me, but continuously loved me. Maybe not the way I wanted, but you can only ask for so much in this life. There is a great verse in 2 Samuel 11, and it says " Infatuation is like the morning dew, it will eventually disappear." Andy's dew is disappearing and I for the first time feel closure. Not on our friendship, but on the hope of there being more because in essence I know that there won't be. With this being said, I have choosen to seek after the Lord with everything because until I let go of everything that I am holding onto, I won't have anyting. I'm letting go, of the fear of never being loved, letting go of someone I wanted to love me with every part of there being, but that cant', letting go of my worldly desires and trying to seek after what is right and good and pure. I'm letting go and holding on to hope that the Lord already has Prince Charming picked out for me, and I won't have to want him to love me, He just will. It's a scary thought and on days I know I will fall short because I am human. But the grace of God is overflowing on me always and He always provides for me in the right time. As Bro. T told me today, the grace of God will always meet you where your at.

Back to the Beginning

So I am back at camp...Day One: Learn all the new people's name because technically I am a verteran...I have done this before. I have been down this road. The camp road. The one where your faith is tested everday. The one where you grow to your greatest potential in the Lord. This road is so familar, but yet so different at the same time. I feel like I am starting over again and maybe that is just what I need. A new beginning to refresh and renew. To strengthen my walk again. I also get to live in a house with 8 girls..8. Yes I know...dear lord, please do not let any hair be pulled out or girls tourtured with eyelash curlers. My prayer is that each person on our staff will grow complete in the Lord as much as they possibly can. I pray that my soul is refreshed before I go to the second part of my summer in Shreveport. The Lord always provides and is always faithful. Camp...my second home...my striving place...my heaven on Earth.

Home Sweet Home

I am a new comer to blogging. I love to talk to so I figure this will be just as well. So here it goes...My first post..my very first post. Today, I packed my apartment in Ruston, the home I have known for the last 4..yes 4 years and drove back to New Orleans. I only wanted to kill about 8 people who didnt know how to drive and most of them were in Mississippi. Sorry MS, take your kids to driving school because you stink at it...not the point. I packed, and I drove, and somehow in the span of 5 hours I did not cry. Not one single tear. I have left my home sweet home of the last 4 years to come to a different home. A home that is not what I'm used to. One where I have to talk to my parents on an hourly basis or they think that I am upset...A home where it is okay for my grandmother to come into the house whenever she feels like it, throw open my door and wake me up from my blissful nap and ask me random, insignificant questions that I don't know the answer to. This home is a challenge. I don't know if I can survive or thrive in this home.
A new home awaits though. I got my final acceptance to my new apartment in Shreveport...June 15 I shall sign the lease and pay the money and it is mine. Leaving my apartment today in Ruston was bittersweet...I think of the song If these walls could talk..that song signifies everything that the 104 is and was. It holds all the memories that are near and dear to me. It has seen it's fair share of tears and fights, card nights, throw up, hangovers, sharpies, endless days on the janked up couch with CSI, Gossip Girl Mondays, bible studies, great friendship, new love, and lots and lots and lots of hairspray. I experienced life..real life..good life..in the 104. I experienced how to truly love and care for someone. I experienced frienship beyond all belief and the discovery of Voila Pasta. The 104 became a beckon of hope, the light at the end of the tunnel for someone who didn't want to go home and slept on the couch, for the smashed sisters that could only make it down the road from the party, for people to gather and praise a real, true Almighty God...our apartment was life. Real, true, existing life where people walked in and out and there was never judgement..just open arms, open doors, good music and lots of chocolate. I don't think I could have asked for a better apartment, and not in the sense of this was a nice apartment because it wasn't. The apartment itself was crumbling beneath our feet, but we made it a home..we made it a welcoming place that people enjoyed. If our walls could talk, I'd be scared to think of what they would say...so many memories happened in such a short year that I think our walls may be speechless. I look forward to the next step. The new home. The new memories. But until then, I'll keep you updated in all aspects of my life. Love, Money, Friendship, and anything else I think may be worthy. So hold onto your hats because this is going to be a great ride! Love, A